Don't need hugs or anything--I have to many good things to be grateful (and I'm not depressed) for but since so many people are suicidal at this forum, my permanent reality is a cautionary tale (this phrase is borrowed from ElsaMars signature and I hope she is OK right now).

I love to walk and some of my best memories involve hiking challenging terrain and conquering it. Hiked for hours by myself from a very young age. Sometimes my H talks about wanting to plan a trip to hike from one side of the Grand Canyon to the other (South to North rim and back). The problem is, that, because of my attempt--I can't carry much weight at all without a lot of pain. No problems walking but it is just impossible for me to carry anything other than a light backpack. My T says "hire a Sherpa". My H is supersweet--he says he'll carry everything. But if only one person can don a pack, I think it really does limit the really long treks (like the one talked about above ) So when you consider ending it, just remember, bad things happen!!