I don't think you're being unfeeling or cold; it's just all you have known and what you feel you want, etc. What took me a very long time to learn (and I'm not so sure I've completely learned it yet :-) is that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to be? Because you like something or live a certain way does not make someone who likes something else or wants to live some other way, wrong or lazy or bad, etc.

I would look at how you developed/learned your attitude, why you did, etc. I still remember my therapist asking me to spend the week meditating on the emotion "disappointment" and I found disappointment popped up all week :-) The big issue that helped me was my husband decided to go to the race track instead of doing the dishes before he went, "his" chore. I told him I was disappointed he was doing that and he explained his back was killing him and he could not comfortably stand and bend to do the dishes at that time and was going to the track to, hopefully, distract himself from the pain! Well, that was quite different than the scenario that was in my head, what my own head had decided about my husband's choices? I loved my husband did not want him to hurt, wanted him to do whatever he could to feel better, etc. so then, what about the disappointment (at not getting my way? at things not being done the way I wanted/liked?). I realized my stepmother had made the rule, 40 years earlier :-) that you had to do the dishes right after you eat? Why??? What does it matter in the larger scheme of things? It matters because it had been drummed into me growing up is all.

I had already learned (which you might want to consider, the opposite) that I could live with this man who provided well, was the love of my life, and I could take the trash out OR I could provide not as well for myself, not have a love in my life, and take out the trash Either way, the trash has to be taken out. Either way you are going to work hard; why not relax and enjoy that you have a loving house-husband too? Otherwise, you work hard, are alone, and do the chores. Do what you want for you and relax about trying to get others to do what you want. If you want something a certain way and asking them to do you a favor and get it for you (you are responsible for getting what you want, no one else is) doesn't work -- they don't do it or don't want to do it/flat out say, "no" turn you down or whatever, then you have to do it yourself. I wanted the dishes done at a particular time to be comfortable so that's on me; I did the dishes while he went to the race track and I hoped and prayed he would feel better. If you care when the cat gets neutered (asking a guy to have a cat's balls cut off could have unconscious ramifications? :-) I would take it myself?