Well family counseling would be a good idea, but I imagine that one or both of them would not go.
If it is impossible to have a civil discussion with your grandmother, then don't try to have one. So for example:
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I would even try to protect my mom because my grandmother would talk about my mother behind her back and call her derogatory terms and that's when I would get defensive and tell her not to call my mom those terms. Then we would have an argument.
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Good job telling your grandmother not to speak in that manner!
And you did that on your own. But must an argument ensue? Remember that it takes two people to argue.
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I'd tell her that some of the things she said were hurtful and invalidating and that's when she would hit me with the "You're too sensitive" talk.
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You can still stand your ground and say that she is hurtful and ask her not to speak to you in that manner. In other words, just because she says "You're too sensitive" doesn't make it so, and does not "win" the discussion. You could even say something like "Insulting me might be a way to excuse yourself for speaking disrespectfully to me." Or you can, as I said above, end the discussion.
When you go to your mother it is called "triangulating" by family therapists. You might want to google that term. By going to your mother you imply that you are not in a position to handle the situation on your own. My thought is that at 25 years of age you
are in a position to handle the situation without involving your mother. If your grandmother won't be civil and respectful you can minimize the amount that you engage with her, and you can say why.
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right now my grandma is giving me the silent treatment because of an argument we had where she said she doesn't understand why I'm depressed because I have a "good life" and I told her that she doesn't know anything about me so she shouldn't invalidate me like that.
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Good job speaking to her!
You can do this.
If she gives you the silent treatment, so be it. Do not make concessions so as to end the silent treatment.
I suspect that you want her to actually validate you. This desire, though, would put you in her power, as she could extend or withhold validation to suit herself and thereby manipulate you. It is indeed helpful to have validation from family members, but remember:
you are valid whether or not she says so.
My advice is to deal with her yourself, without calling upon your mother to intervene. By that I mean speak your mind to her in a civil manner but do not get into an argument.
With regard to saying good morning and good night to her: My opinion is that you should just do that and not worry about whether or not she replies. Good morning and good night are small civilities and you can be the bigger person if she won't say them. I suggest that for you, not for her or for your mother: Being the bigger person is good for you, whether or not your grandmother responds.