You're the type that doesn't want to disappoint your friends and depression is so pitifully unfun to talk about. It's easier to cuss, hate, and self harm than to really take time to feel your depression and some of the underlying issues that cause it. We know. I am just glad that you post every once in a while. Posting a line from a lyric from 21 pilots is enough to let us know you haven't fallen into the earth--sometimes we can't handle talking about all our negative thoughts day in and day out. I get it. I hope it gets better and that you can get help. I am pretty sure that you haven't been getting medical help lately. It has been working for many reasons. Has it? Bad care, not having adequate access to care. Money talks! Emergency rooms are ill-equipped and frequently flunk the grade when it comes to mental health! Getting locked up for being loco is even worse. As Fuzzy says---GRRRR!