I don't know what your friend is like, or what she did, and I think those are the most important bits of information you need to use in deciding what to do. So take everything said here with a grain of salt, and really think about who your friend is and what the relationship is. That said, I have a very different experience to share.

My "best friend" basically went off of a bunch of gossip and some assumptions, and felt horribly wronged by me when in reality, I hadn't betrayed her the way she thought. Rather than talk about her feelings with me, she stopped speaking to me. Of course I tried to work it out, but in response, she sent me a scathing 7 page letter. It was the meanest attack on everything about me that I'd ever read, and it REALLY hurt. It was so unfair. She also turned several other friends against me and I was alienated from the group. I give all this history so you can understand what happened next.

I moved on. I was sad at first, but eventually I decided that someone who would think those horrible things about me that she wrote (and believe me, they were horrible), wasn't really the friend I ever thought she was. I didn't miss her, either, which surprised me. I just stuck with my other friends closer. A few months went by, and she attempted to contact me. She went to my mother's work and gave her an apology letter to give to me. It said she was sorry for everything that went wrong, and she really really missed me. It said I was the best friend she ever had.

I felt wary and guarded just like you do. I thought of this Alanis Morissette song that says "I'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed. I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation. Would I be letting you win in my nonreaction?" I didn't know what to do. Like you, I wanted to keep a safe distance just in case. I wasn't hurt anymore, but I didn't trust her and didn't want to be vulnerable to get hurt again. But I also felt like I needed to respond somehow. I was SO TORN! I decided the friendship for me was probably beyond repair, but I thought I'd respond as honestly as possible- not promising anything- and see what she did. I wrote her an email and said "if you're looking for absolution, it's okay to move on. I'm not hurt anymore."

She responded and said she was NOT looking for absolution. She said she just wanted some answers. She wanted to know WHY I had supposedly said and done all these horrible things to her (all based on rumor and assumption and misunderstanding, none true). She said she wanted to know at what point I started to "hate her." Basically, she wasn't really sorry. Just wanted to fight some more! I told her that I hadn't deserved the blame she gave me, and that I was done going over all this with her. I asked her not to try to contact me again.

Of course she tried a few times over the years. I was polite, but very distant and cool. I never engaged with her again, and every time I told her not to contact me again. Eventually, I told her I would hang up if she called, and would not respond if she sent emails.

Then a close friend of ours died. She called to tell me. I didn't know why she was calling, so I was very curt with her. When I was about to hang up, though, she told me. I was crushed. She and I actually leaned on each other somewhat through that experience. And we talked (without getting into detail) about the past. She apologized for being immature in the past, and I felt like this time it was FINALLY a real apology. Are we best friends now? Nope. Haven't had much contact since then. But I feel like some of the distance is mended, and I would feel comfortable calling her if I ever had the desire (and would talk to her if she called me). I will never let her that close again, and I see no need to. She's a part of my past. But I do feel like there was a difference in her, and now she's a slightly less ugly part of my past if that makes sense.. and the only way I knew that was by finally talking to her again. The death of our friend softened both our hearts.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that I think it's best to be guarded. What looks like an attempt to reach out can really be an attempt to make you engage in more drama, and can hurt you over again. But, if you enter cautiously, you may also find that your friend has changed. It's a big risk to take, so you really need to follow your heart.

Best of luck to you. Let us know how it goes?