Thanks Marilyn, i feel it in my gut that hes not good for me, it's the constant anger and lack of empathy that really got me thinking something wasn't right.
But with the way our arguments went, it was always something I was upset about and I blamed myself for overreacting.
It wasn't until our 2nd pregnancy that he started to really show his true colours. I just thought that stressful situations were causing it..
Since I have accused him of being abusive, the behaviour is subtle but still there. Little things like not helping with the kids and then being angry with me and ignoring me for days for asking, when I try to talk to him about anything he will laugh or ignore me. If i try to start up conversation with him about non serious, he acts uninterested and walks away mid sentence. Which leaves me feeling extremely lonely since I'm a stay at home mother to our children, i dont have any friends.

It's complicated because every time I have asked him to leave, he accuses me of wanting to sleep around and being a bad mother for wanting that. He will threaten that he will smash our shared vehicle so I can't keep it, threaten to take my kids away etc. I stopped trying to get him to leave because it caused so much uproar and upset that I was drained and depressed. Now that he's gone away working there is no abuse. If i tell him it's over and not to come back, i am scared that he will do something stupid and causes a scene.
I just feel trapped and I hate it 😭