Don't beat yourself up about extracurriculars. They are prefaced with "extra" for a reason. They are something you don't need to do but society says you do and even tells kids that if you aren't doing it, you're a bad parent. These activities are manufactured and throughout history they were not required to be a good human or parent. Might they be fun or educational? Sure, but if you are beating yourself up about not being able, it's not adding anything extra to your life and your kids respond to your stress so it's not adding to theirs either.

I have had automobile phobia since childhood so I can relate. Usually, if I'm driving or someone I really trust is driving I'm ok but sometimes I'm not and cannot be in a car PERIOD. Some people do not understand this including myself sometimes. I take medication and now I'm sure I will erroneously be charged with DUI so driving myself which used to be preferable to being driven is a struggle mentally most of the time. Some consider my fear paranoia but I consider it practical.

Exposure helps but from my experience it only helps when you are in the right place for it to help. I wish society wasn't built around the expectations of being in death machines, but it is. We didn't make these decisions but we do need to learn to live with the expectations thrust upon us. I'd like to say that therapy could help but I've yet to find a helpful therapist. Many people do though so it's not an impossible feat. I think that might be key for you. It's trauma so you need help processing it to improve? I think so. What do you think?