Hi yossarian87. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry for your loss which probably occurred back when your gf started on drugs again. They are sick and unable to control themselves. It is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. It is difficult dealing with people who are addicts or who are untreated for mental illness and self medicating. It is not your fault. But you may have to give up on some hopes that partners cling to about helping the partner suffering from addiction to get "clean". That is up to the partner. There is nothing we can do to change them. And when they leave, we can't bring them back. Maybe she will get help, but putting your life on hold may not be a good strategy.

It sounds like you could benefit from therapy to help you sort things out. There is a lot to sort out trying to be an advocate and or partner for someone that is challenged by their life. You can also send to a question to a volunteer therapist here at Psych Central https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/

These articles might be of interest
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...icted-partner/

Relationships and Addiction | Dual Diagnosis

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/addic...-codependency/