I have an autistic niece and had (sad story) an autistic nephew. My observations of them were: Autistic children are very challenging. They have "tunnel vision" (once they want/like something, they will not be deterred from it). Sometimes quick to anger but also quick to forgive. Actually are very loving, just impulsive and extremely active when they are very young. Even if your health was 100 percent, it takes a lot of patience to deal with autistic children when they are young. Don't feel bad about complaining here. My niece's mother would get depressed sometimes (especially when she was very young) because her job was just SO tough sometimes. Hopefully, when your son starts school, that will give you a bit of a break during the day that will help you. The fact that you want to do better means that you are not a loser. You sound like a very good mom. No one is perfect.