Hello there,
This post sounds like one I would have written. . I'm a 40 year old single woman, no kids, few friends, not close to family (or don't see them often enough, due to distance. .immediate family lives 500 miles away). I completely gave up dating 5 years ago after a bad breakup, because the pickings are slim, and I'm not attracted to men who are too much older/look older. I'm still renting, because don't feel comfortable enough to buy a place of my own yet. I wish I could have a pet, would be wonderful to care for another being, but can't have pets where I'm at. Sometimes it's so bad that I've taken to having a small stuffed animal Woodstock on my keychain, because I feel a little better looking at him. My parents are getting older, and they will be moving down here in about a 1-2 years. I've entertained the idea of living with them (helping with the mortgage, renting) because I don't see myself ever ending up with anyone and it'd be nice to spend more time with them.
I have a job, but it's just that . . a job. But I feel stuck, and can't move up. Have been trying to motivate myself to go back to school, so I'd be able to possibly do a career change, but it's a catch 22. .depression has gotten worse over the past couple of years, to the point where I've been missing so much work because I hate how I look, pretty much everything about myself. I've tried going to counseling, but I didn't feel it was really helping.
I have gone to meetup events with the purpose of just getting out of the house, but again . .sometimes I'm so depressed and ashamed of how I look (even though various people say I'm an attractive woman) that I tell myself I can't go to meetup events because I'm not thin/fit enough. (model like thin, guess it has something to do with how southern Cal is obsessed with appearance).
Need to break out of this rut, but nothing has seemed to work so far. I'm sorry to hear that others are struggling with this issue, too. .but it's good to know that I'm not alone.