I'm very depressed tonight. I actually thought I was going to enjoy the holidays this year. Not now. My one sister (J) called and wanted to reschedule things for Thursday so now we are changing everything due to her. (based on her husbands health condition)

They don't care if the new time doesn't work for me. They never do. And they would have NEVER changed things if it was something that I had requested. But for other family members, we change entire events around to fit their needs.

We have also changed things to accomodate an out of town sister as well. For HER (M), they have actually changed our celebration of xmas to a week ahead of time. This is because she wanted to come visit us here and then be back to her home (in another state) on xmas day. So for her, we actually move xmas to accomodate when she'll be here.
That means that on the ACTUAL xmas day and eve, I spend it alone while the others are with their families. Do they care that, due to the fact that them moving it makes me spend the actual holiday all alone? Not at all.

I called my sister (K) who is hosting Thanksgiving to tell her I won't be there due to the change. I told her how things would have never been changed for me like they do for other family members. She attackingly asked me why would they need to change things for me...as in what cause would I have? (she sounded like she was putting me on trial)

I didn't answer her because I was getting upset. I told her nevermind. I knew she didn't get it.

I then told her that did she realize that I was going to a counselor due to some things she said/did to me a few months ago? How when I was severely depressed and needed someone to talk to because of a guy who treated me horribly, she turned me away. Not only did she turn me away but she knew I had no one else to go to. She told me that she had problems too and how dare I act like mine are any worse. (making me feel guilty for reaching out for help)

I was basically pleading for someone to just talk to/listen to me and she was shutting the door and I hadn't bothered her with any problems before either. (because I never felt that I could)
Finally after feeling so cast aside by her, I told her that mine was a matter of life or death (and I know that she knew that due to her pushing me aside, I was becoming suiciidal).
Her response was "Well, I hope you choose life. I'll say a prayer for you." (this was all via email...she would't bother to pick up the phone to call)

So today on the phone with her about the Thanksgiving thing, I mentioned that I've had to go to a counselor about what transpired with her a few months ago and when I told her this today......she didn't care.
When I told her how hurt I was by it (and I was crying on the phone today), she was very unemotional and matter of fact.

She didn't care whatsoever.

Then I called a hotline and things got worse.......