shattered....

there probably isn't one of us in this forum who can't understand what you've described.. that is not to diminish that it's happening to you, and happening right now...

what makes me in particular uncomfortable, is when someone posts that "in the next few mins i'm going to blank and blank myself..." there is no way we can physically stop you...

but to describe that you feel that badly... in some way that we can connect to the level of pain you feel is acceptable... we have all been there... there is an elephant in this room... but we are all very aware of it already...

i hope you begin to feel better soon...