mckell, I am sorry for what you are going through. I am married to a narcissist and am in the process of a divorce. We have been married for 20 years. It took me many years to gain courage to make the break. Especially the last 2 years I have worked really hard in therapy to get this point. It has not been easy. Could you get some support from a therapist, who could help you sort out what you want to do?

I agree, seeking legal advice would be very helpful.

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2) My husband is on disability, I provide for the family. The bottom line, if I left it would cost me more money; in our convoluted justice system I would likely owe him alimony.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Alimony is not forever. How long have you been married? I have been told that alimony is usually not paid for any longer than 1 year for every 3-5 years of marriage. So if your marriage has been 10 years, it might be 2-3 years of alimony, and then done! And if you have most of the custody of the kids, that would figure in, and you might owe no alimony at all. What helps you is that is sounds like, from what you have written about your financial difficulties, that your joint income is not high. This helps you with the alimony. If you don't make much money, you don't pay much alimony. I am hoping that in my divorce I will not take any alimony in our settlement, but instead will take more in the property settlement. Not everyone wants alimony.

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3) My kids are really close with their sisters. I am very close with them as well. Leaving my husband would ultimately negatively impact these relationships. They would likely be torn between their feeling for me, their brothers, and their Dad.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Divorce results in many divided allegiances. So it goes. Just do the best by your kids you can. It is amazing how resilient kids can be. Would it be better to have the kids feel some of the stresses of divided loyalties associated with divorce or the continuing negativity and pain of the current marriage?

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I just don’t see any easy way out at this point. I just don’t want my kids to end up assuming my husband’s negative, everybody owes me personality. The dividing of our family at this point will likely only result in more conflict and negativity, more financial problems, and less love and support for my children.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">You're right, no easy way out but through the pain. Staying with your husband will not help your kids avoid adopting his negative personality traits. They might have a better shot of avoiding the negativity if a split is made. I hope you can get some support. These are not easy questions. A therapist and lawyer might be able to help you sort it out.

Best of luck. Take care.