I am 33 years old, and also still live with my mother. My situation is not good either.

My T believes my mother is clinically narcissistic, and that my C-PTSD and DID are a result of her treatment of me.

However, because of the C-PTSD and DID, I am declared disabled and am unable to work enough to support myself. So, basically I am stuck in her house because of her treatment.

I understand the stuck feeling. I understand the hopelessness. I understand the want (need) to get out and never come back.

Is there someone IRL you can talk to about these feelings (the wanting them dead, wanting to hurt them) in a safe place? I don't know where you live, but where I am, those thoughts are considered extremely serious and concerning, in the same sense as feeling suicidal.

Is it possible to move out, or if you can't afford that, is there a shelter that you and your children could go to? Maybe an organization for abused women (Sorry if I am incorrect here) with children? Verbal and emotional abuse can have just as much damage, if not more, than physical abuse. If you have gotten to the point of having these thoughts, you need to get away from them, and cut off all contact, in any way possible.

Take care of yourself and your children.

Puck