So after yesterdays abusive incident when my narc sister got into my home without my permission or knowledge again and messed with my stuff,I am getting my emotions sorted.

I am my priority and since my mother has decided to deal with her cancer by having a hysterectomy I am not running round after her anymore buying her vitamins and cooking food to take her.It makes it easy for my sister and mum but means I have no time for myself again and get used.

I have to put my life first again which means no more telling my mother what I am getting up to cos then she feels she has a right to interfere and manipulate it into being about her.Whatever I do or buy for myself she wants it too and she wants me to run round arranging it for her.It gets stressful and emotionally it feels like my feelings and health don't matter cos I find myself giving all my time and energy to them ,my mother and sister even though I cut my sister out of my life,she still finds ways to use me and abuse me.

So to make myself free,healthy and at peace I have to put a distance between my mother and me cos both her and my sister feed off my news and she tells my sister everything about me and I reckon between them they figure out ways to manipulate me.

I feel stifled emotionally by my mother and she fosters dependency,she attempts to make me emotionally dependent on her.She has a point of never ever ringing me but making me feel guilty if I don't ring her and she likes me to ring her three times a day.It is like she has me trained and under her control.It is weird ,scary and I don't like it and I am angry with her,she uses my poverty to control me and uses money as bait to make me visit her and I end up being giving money by her and paying her back with my own money and giving her extra on top which means I lose my own money in the end.It is take,take,take with my mum and it is a big emotional investment being at her beck and call without any return.

The three months I cut her out of my life were brilliant last year.I am going to repeat that and keep her at a greater distance from now on.I am fed up of this control,it has been going on my whole life and has to stop.It is causing me emotional damage.

I can't go on like that anymore,it is a worrying,stressful existence,I don't want to exist I want to life,and to choose me,my life,do things myself and be self supporting financially.
I want total freedom.

I am not attached to them an extension of them I am a person in my own right,my feelings matter,my emotional health is important,I am not going to let them undermine it ever again.
Hopefully the lessons will be learnt this time finally and I won't make the same mistakes over again.it has taken a long time to realise I have the right to put myself and my emotional health first.
I am still sad that these two people who I was warned about by my dad,he said they would harm me,have still got power over me at my age.That has to end,I am to be free and secure and safe at last.