nowhere tries the fit ... ok, so its a ladies head... but it's staying on there...

what is it worth to me? you're a woman who's known me awhile... someone who took her own time and felt her own pain, once again, to help me in my hour...

this is where the changes we've made really shines September.. the old me would feel the need to defend and stake his own validations with some sort of platonic fervor... today i just want to be helped and that is how you've put this here... to help.. Grateful is one of the biggest words i know... and it's not big enough to describe the thanks i feel

sept said:
It's my belief that we all have a bond with both our parents when we're children. Somewhere along the line, something goes wrong, probably words, actions, or lack of actions, that hurt us so much so that we withdraw from that bond... maybe after time.

but my issues w/mom/dad are cured! he cries... no, no they're not... but nothing can change the past.. there's no one to blame.. there's only reasons... its the hand i was dealt, so i'm trying to play with the cards i received...

nothing will unhandicap mom; nothing will take back the words my dad spoke; nothing can change the crippled relationship i have w/my sibs.. no amount of talking or crying... no pain i put them or myself thru will change the way it is... we get along now... that's all i can hope for...

but if i'm following your train of thought correctly you're saying that those feelings of abandonment were seeds that extrapolated onto my relations with society... ok, i can see that...

mom and i still catharsize each other... she doesn't want to personally i don't think, but she loves me and wants me to feel ok... she worries... so every now and then we have a discussion about "that"... i can't take it very often and i try to intersperse better times between us, to remind us both of why we're doing it... it can be paiful but it gets better too...

i think you've given me a key again... when "that" is healed, it will be like a new beginning with the next issue.. society abandonment...

all while i've been sitting here today, and customers come and go, i'm trying to take my time with each of them... see each of them as an individuals.. related to what i said above when i bought "you" a soda... these are real folks.. not money... they've had their roads like i have... how do i know they're not feeling or have felt something like i have today/yesterday/tomorrow?

what gets me is those times when it IS about me for awhile... the job doesn't allow that... and its hard putting on the mask... been doing it for 29 years now... and sometimes when i watch the news or watch a group of people and some of the things they do and inside i just feel its so world-wide hurtful though it seems just a small thing to everyone nearby.. i just want to scream... because we are all hurting.. more and more everyday...

thanks again September...