I tend to quit meds and treatment, thinking this time I'll be fine without them. Predictably, several months later I have a particularly severe episode and go seek treatment again. It's a bad cycle. The most recent time I quit treatment in January 2016 and went for a psych assessment in October. I was involuntarily sent to a psych ward and now have it written in my records that I'm noncompliant with treatment. I'm seeing a pdoc now but again want to quit due to side effects. I also have an eating disorder and fear that a lack of weight loss could be related to the meds. I do want to get help. It's just I'm stubborn and think I can handle things on my own until they get really bad. I also have urges to quit treatment that I can't explain. I think it might be related to denial. If my symptoms aren't severe all the time, then in my mind I must not be bipolar. It's strange logic.