Well I had to see my T today. I was brave and told her about my feelings of wanting to cut after I leave her office. She has a new idea for me that I thought I might share so you guys could try it. She is loking around for a rag doll (any doll made completely of fabric). She said she will give it to me and anytime I feel the urges I can cut on the doll instead of myself. But, afterwards, I have to sew it back up to make it whole again. Reply if you think this might be helpful. I am going to give it a shot!