|
Forgiving myself has been the most difficult thing I have faced in my life. I was with my girlfriend for 3 years and I was untrue to her. I was completely emotionally unaware and impulsive about the things i did. I was also drinking alot and in hindsight was somewhat of an alcoholic. But that's no excuse; it just contributed to my feelings being numb. She found out that I had lied about things and was unfaithful, and our relationship fall apart and she left me.
It's been 1 year since she left I came crashing down to reality. The guilt, regret and sense of loss are overwhelming every single day. I haven't slept for months. The feelings I have are just like a broken record in my mind. I can't stop thinking about her.
The result of this turmoil has changed me completely. I am fully in touch with my emotions and everything is so clear to me now. I can’t even believe I had done such a bad thing and I was so stupid. I never realized how much I loved her and cared about her while we were together. She was the best thing to have ever happened to me and was the love of my life. I can't believe that I had hurt such a kind, caring and loving woman and then lost her.
There's nothing in the world that I wouldn't give for another chance with her and to make things right. I have wrote her 2 letters in the last year in which I apologized as much as I could, after I sent the second one, she texted me and told me it made her mad, to leave her alone and to get on with my life. I have taken this really hard. I never knew I could ever end up feeling like this. The regret is so overwhelming that it's affecting me while at work and can't concentrate on anything. I have tried going the gym everyday for months for some relief but it was short-lived. I'm reading self-help books and doing meditation and yoga in hopes to achieve some peace of mind but I feel like this is going to take a long time...I don't know how one can simply just forgive themselves for hurting somebody they loved and still do love so much. Please Help
|