So much has happened since my last post. Other events impacted on my already developing healing but still vulnerable situation. So I entered into the realm of MORE vulnerability yet again ...

I can take ownership of what I 'did' that was wrong, although it was not my intent (looking more & more like a mis-match), but I am being blamed for aggravating the situation to what it became. I had **shut down (when I look back). I do have **fear issues. He was sensitive to what he perceived as rejection because of certain experiences so it soon became a hot mess although we didn't realize at the time. This whole thing is really playing with my mind!!!

I asked him for time & feel that I am being bullied to not take the time I need (because he's ready NOW). Am being blamed for his hurtful actions toward me (as explanation) ... the thing is that when someone comes from dysfunction, even if I did bring out their worse side, the 'wrong' was already in them! And what was wrong was hurtful to me - how's that for starters? He's not seeing this, so i's no wonder he feels as if he were the victim.

The wrong that was in them took TIME to bubble to the surface because childhood hurt takes time. BUT I was there when it came to a boil, so its ALL me.

I have such a headache - he did strike a guilt note in me for being so ** insensitive. Interestingly though, there are people who met him over the years. These were their (!!) impressions/ adjectives re him: emotional bully, bi-polar, unstable, split-personality ...

But here I am being told that it is I who brought out that frustration in him. Can't function on my work (self employed). And I cant afford to not work - I have no $$. So confused right now