just something that I never thought about until someone explained it to me... we live in a time where even a small gesture like giving a child a gift can be misconstrued as possible abuse.. not saying the person this thread is discussing is like this.

many people now feel uncomfortable giving the children gifts when they are in a relationship where there is no defining line of permanency. most physical, sexual and emotional abusers are people that the child knows. one of the grooming tactics of child perps is getting into a relationship and proving they are good by giving the child of choice gifts first slowly during special occasions so it becomes normal, then later on when they are giving gifts to the child to encourage them to not tell the parent is none the wiser.

this grooming tactic has led to many great people in relationships to decide not to give gifts to their girlfriend\ boyfriends children until after marriage so that they do not get even remotely accused of grooming that child for abuse.

I learned about this way of thinking in a workshop related to my job. it definitely opened my eyes to what I had previously thought was insensitive when someone I knew was in a relationship and they were telling me their boyfriend or girlfriend refused to give a gift to the child, no matter what the situation the gift giving was for.

besides this situation break ups happen. what happens for the child if they see the gift giving as this person is there for ever then a break up happens and the child has this gift as a reminder of something that they lost (a mother or father figure) most children that I know in that situation highly resented getting gifts and then the person being gone. usually that gift thoughtfully given ends up destroyed, thrown away because the child cant handle constantly being reminded of what they lost when mommy or daddy broke up with the boyfriend/ girlfriend.

now I do not think there is anything wrong or insensitive with people not giving gifts to the child if they are not in a permanent situation.