I have a horrible phobia about people's sexual boundaries. I don't want to get close to anyone, but not in a bad way. I don't date or anything. I just have a horrible fear that people are sexually interested in me, in a bad way. Like I just want to live in peace, but I've been sexually harassed and exposed to such vulgarity throughout my life, that it's hard for me to even accept gifts, favors, or work with others for fear that it's some black magic whereby the "boundaries will eventually fade".

I had people I confided in before, and been sexually harassed and used a lot. Many people would try to seduce me after getting to know me, and make me feel like sexuality is a free and fun thing, and that nothing can be pure, and that by being a human with desires I am thereby innately perverse and insecure. The whole "hollywood" romance thing I think has inspired many of us, and we want a good love in our life, but I have found it has just led to bad expectations, accusations from users, and used as a tool by those we are supposed to trust to "comically and beautifully trespass each other's boundaries until love happens".

Maybe I am far more attractive than I realize, and it has unfortunately led me into extremely bad and disastrous, traumatic paths that I am afraid to trust anyone or even allow myself to have compassion for myself. I think a lot of loneliness and abandonment made it easier for others to warp my meaning of life, and blackmailing my own desires.