All you can do is learn from your past and move on. Have you stopped drinking. That is called a living ammends, more than just saying your sorry but living a better way. She is not perfect either. There were problems that maybe you can't see because of rose colored glasses right now and an illusion of guilt. Stop beating yourself up and move on. You will find another beautifull person to be with in time and hopefully not make the same mistake. Stay away from the booze.Move forward, leave the past except to not repeat it, enjoy your present, mourn but move on, life is short, you're worth a new beginning with someone new.