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Old Feb 13, 2017, 12:40 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 4,457
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh View Post
I don't know what the silent treatment is meant to convey, but I find it extremely hostile and coercive when people use it. My mother used to do it and it felt like an assault, like a death threat. I suppose that's because a parent is supposed to be a safe person, so removing themselves in that way is frightening. Maybe your h's silent treatment is bringing up old emotional assaults in childhood from a primary caregiver? Even if it's not, it's abusive to you during a time that you need sensitivity.

As for your own anger, it makes total sense. It's also a symptom of ptsd, which maybe this move is triggering in you. You had a safe place to go and now it's been replaced by who knows what kind of situation. Are you meeting your therapist in the new location tonight? If so, I hope he is able to dive right into this with you, as it's opening up a lot. I think my therapist would see it as both something to soothe (the move being made better or more tolerable) and as a loosening from being stuck. The unstuckness is a good thing. Emotions are good. Being frozen or dissociated is the old way. Being able to cope through the chaos and turmoil and anger is where the work is.

This is very hard stuff, and I'm not trying to make it sound easy. None of it is. But if you (and hopefully, your therapist) can see this as an opportunity, that's a way forward.


Thank you! Your words speak truth too!

My dad told me, when my boys were little, that when I punished them I should pull my affection away from them. He thought that should be part of punishing. I don't think he understood discipline to be corrective and not abusive. I suppose that's part of my reaction to my h. It is degrading.

My counselors does not officially move for another couple of weeks. So there's that.

I did hear of a support group for women who grew up in abuse and are in abusive relationships. I'm going to check it out and see what it's about. It's kind of funny that it meets on Monday's at the same time that I'm usually scheduled to meet with my counselor.
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