I don't know how to forgive myself at all, so I can't comment about that part...

However, it seems to me that what happened changed you. You're a different person now. You seem to be more aware of yourself and how your actions impact others. And in a relationship THAT is what matters.

I know it still hurts now...and you're having trouble seeing any silver lining here. Things will get better and you will understand that this had to happen in order for you to change for the better...