I think that, sometimes, imagining the future isn't so good for us...

From reading what you have written (which I know is different than real life...but it's what I have), I can tell that your social skills are rather good. And that's not just said to compliment. It's simple observation (you have eyes and read what others on this forum, and any forum, say; how they speak of themselves and others, how they communicate, etc.)

I no longer have the impetus to go "out there" as I also have depression and lack self-esteem. I may look into volunteering at something though, and you might want to explore that avenue, too. People don't volunteer because they have to or because they need the paycheck. They do it because they have empathy and a love for whatever they're volunteering for. Those are the kinds of people that I want to be around.

Meetups and stuff, I'm not ready for. I don't need the humiliation of being around those who are superior to me.

Perhaps you can relate to what I'm saying...