So pretty damn depressed, why do I have to be bipolar but it could be worse ok let's start , I been having a small fling with a 20 year old guy , I'm a women 32 but that ended because I was robbed and he's on heroine , I don't care about the age but it's always younger guys , before this I have not had sex with any guy for a year , no idea why I can't stop ****ing but anyways I'm severely embarrassed and depressed... I gained like 25 pounds always looked up to Britney Spears... I keep binging and purging and yes I seen my councilor today . Yes I have a physiatrist, I'm on lemictal 200mg once a day then 50 mg at night , serquel 400 mg at night, gadapendian 3 times a day 600 mg each ... hum .... I love my husband and kids ... I stopped smoking today and first day in awhile I did not binge or purge but I know me abc I know my pattern .... I don't want to do this **** anymore , it's like bipolar is a cycle that won't let up ... maybe being a zombie would help .. oh forgot 1mg of xanax a day and the thing is I'm not ugly at all ... so it's not like omg I'm ugly so I need to sleep with people but I do have low self esteem... help me