I did not have the same relationship with my mother that my little brother or sister did. My younger sister was the closest to my mother of the three of us. She left her job (though at least it was a job she was not fond of) to take care of my mom until her death. I am so grateful for what she did.

After her death, my brother and sister cried about it all the time. I did not cry much. I did have a good cry about it very recently. I think our mothers effect us more deeply than we realize. Some of our relationship with them is forgotten but their interactions with us and the things they exposed us to played a large role in who we are today. I remember my mom spending a lot of time taking care of my younger brother and sister and I think I may have just reacted to it by withdrawing from her at a very young age. I don't look at it as my fault or her fault--just that every child and every situation is unique. I am so glad that my mom found so much joy in my sister's company! But it was the hardest on my sister when she died. She was still crying regularly and hard 11 years after my mom's death. Grief is a terrible thing. It replays itself unexpectantly. It can be hard to watch. I'm sorry you could not be there to hug your sister. Everyone has bad days (both you and your sister). I encourage you to reach out to your sister. Thank her again for being there for your mom. You did great when you told her that she did the right thing when she chose how to take care of your mother. So I think that your instincts are good but you were just a little impatient that day. This is easy to fix!!