So, if nothing changes by next Wednesday, I'll be checking myself into the hospital.

The hallucinations, the rapid cycling (or mixed episode; it's debatable), and the overwhelming sense of falling further and further down this rabbit hole...I can't take it. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. I'm so damn tired of fighting every second of every day.

The meds haven't had much time but I'm just getting headaches now. It's not like the last time when I started feeling a difference after three days. I think I'm worse than the last time I tried. That and I'm not taking my AP, this time. I don't need a lecture on it, I have my reasons.

I'm sick and I just...I keep getting worse. And it's so rapid now that I feel like hitting the e-break isn't doing a ****ing thing. How and why did I let this happen?