Dad - I am very sorry for your situation, which is a heartbreaking thing to come home to after a 9 month deployment.

I will take issue with you on one thing. You did not "lose a good woman." This wife of yours is a conniving piece of work. If it were not for the children, I'ld say she did you a big favor and that you are well rid of her.

But there are the two children. I'm no lawyer, but I don't see how it can be legal for a woman to remove your children from the residence you shared and limit your contact to them, without a court-ordered separation. You need competent legal advice NOW . . . to preserve your rights as a father.

Is your wife getting invome from you? If she is, that coukd be why she's dragging her feet on filing for divorce. Regardless of what hopes you may have for a reconciliation, go to an attorney right away. Talk to your superiors on the base and find out if they make any legal counseling available.

Your wife is finished with this marriage. Right now she is figuring out how to maximize her control of the kids and how to maximize her claim to income from you. Don't walk, but run to a lawyer. I can't stress that enough. Spend as much time with the kids as you can. Run, run, run to an attorney. You don't want her to have some basis on which to say that you abandoned the marriage, or that you have abandoned your relationship with the kids.

Please, please, please get legal representation. That is the single most important thing you can do RIGHT NOW. Tell the lawyer that you are not even sure you want a divorce, but that your wife is blocking your access to your children. My guess is that some of what she is doing is illegal. Also, she is the one who CLEARLY has abandoned the marriage. That can matter down the line when the two of you land in court, which you will be doing, eventually.

As to whether she physically cheated or not - stop the speculation. She probably has. At any rate, by setting up a household that you have no key to, she has abandoned the marriage. See a lawyer.