I spent the greater part of the night unable to sleep and then spent it trying not to down an entire bottle of pills. I SH for the first time in years. And I still don't feel like I want to be here. I'm just here. My fear was that I'd down the bottle and my children would wake and find me. I wrote out my goodbye note and everything but I burned it. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I crashed so quickly. Maybe its because I hate Valentines day with a passion. I'm just sitting here at home alone now. I probably shouldn't be. But I have medications to call in for my son and bill collectors to pay. I don't know how I'm suicidal one moment and the next moment I'm auto compelled to continue daily things as if I'm okay. [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29] [emoji26] [emoji29]