Darrel, I'm sorry. I didn't bail on you purposely. My internet went down and stayed down for a while.

but my issues w/mom/dad are cured! he cries... no, no they're not...

It seems to me I've heard that before... somewhere. It's good to know that you've admitted that to yourself.

but nothing can change the past.

You're very right! But I've found there are things *I* can do to change my feelings of the past and not keep acting out like I did before I learned that there was something what I could do.

In my quest for peace, understanding, etc., I read a lot of self-help books. One that I could almost say changed my life is "Homecoming: Claiming and Championing the Inner Child." Just the title can be off-putting, but... I've always had a tender child for little ones, so possibly, that inner child was the one that made me reach out, grab the book and take it to the checkstand. Maybe she's the one that made me read it, despite the fact that the author discourages reading it if you suspect sexual abuse. Not me! My family of origin were good "Christians". They wouldn't have done any of that! NOOOO! Detect the sarcasm?

When marriage therapy failed, I stayed with that T and told her I wanted to work on myself... which we did for ten long years.

What I found out in reading the book and asking my T to stay with the method used in the book, I learned that I could do something about my pain from the past. I learned that I could re-parent myself, to be the parent that I had needed and had failed me. I learned to listen to the wounded child inside of me. I learned all the signs the child was showing me that she needed attention, love and validation. Of course, my T helped enormously with the re-parenting and such, but truly, it was me that did all the work.

The temper tantrums I had, the anger that motivated all of my actions, including good, sound projects, getting things done, were all my child screaming at me that boy was she PISSED at all the injustices done to her. As with any child, I had to sort it out when she screamed at me "I HATE YOU!!!!!!" A child doesn't really know what they are saying. They don't know the meaning of "hate." They just know it's bad... and painful.

Even today, last week as a matter of fact, when I was ticked that my boundaries were being pushed, dented and bent; it was the child that was rebelling. I had been neglecting HER needs!

To sum this all up; You better learn to take GOOD, PROPER care of yourself because no one else will. No one else knows exactly what YOU (and your inner child) need.

Digest this, dear Darrel. Ask questions, argue, whatever you need. Take it or leave it. I'm here.