Hello dear people,
My name is Iris and I am 29 years old. I am writing to you because I am dealing with a complicated situation and I need some advice from someone from the outside. I tend to lose sight of certain things because of my deep involvement and I could really use some help...

Little over a year ago, I met a man who had lost his fiance in a tragic accident. They were supposed to get married but she died in a mass car crash, in which he was also badly injured. He is still physically recovering from this event. At first, we were just friends. We used to spend hours messaging each other or having long conversations on the phone.

I discovered slowly that he was an amazing person and I fell in love with him.

Our bond started out as platonic. He told me that he cared about me and that he loved spending time with me, and, truth is, we have a lot in common and when we're together it just feels right. After a few months, things started getting more intimate and we spent more and more time together.

It began to feel like a relationship of sorts, except for the moments when he was very cold, and disappeared for a few days. As these mood changes started to bother me, I had a conversation with him and he told me he didn't know if he could ever love again, that he was still very much in love with his partner who had died so tragically, and that he cannot get involved in a relationship right now. He said he did not want to hurt me, that he felt a connection to me and that I was one of the few people he actually liked having around.

After this talk, I stuck around, as I find myself to be deeply in love with him and I have the feeling he can be a good partner, once he finds a way to heal - physically and emotionally.

I totally understand what he is going through but, sometimes, I must admit the whole confusion takes a toll on me. I often feel like I am on a rollercoaster, as sometimes he is warm and tender, and other times he is distant, aloof, and does not want to spend time with me.

I am torn between understanding his situation, and feeling used. I sometimes feel like letting it all go, but then he does something nice and I feel guilty because I do not want to abandon him in this fight he is leading. Also, I find myself comparing myself to his ex-partner, feeling like I will never be enough, even feeling jealous sometimes, which, again, I see as selfish insecurities.

I do not know how to handle this situation wisely...What do you advise?

Thank you so much for reading this!

Warm regards,

Iris