So my sister came home earlier around January and she was talking to my dad somehow i came up in the subject and she said i dont think_________a lot of people would hire her with her condition.my dad said i could possibly get a job with the state.and my sisters yeah like possibly and eventually they talked about something else.as some of you know and for those that dont know i have conversion disorder ove had it since 14 it was due to a trauma. Which in my case was family always fighting due to sisters anger issues and dysfunction and just just utter chaos in are last home.anyway id have like a panic attack or something similar and after i got out of it i couldn't move i dont want to explain the whole thing but i was diagnosed with conversion disorder ots like memtal stress converted onto physical symptoms.sometimes i can walk sometimes i cant sometimes i cant move at all for 30 minutes. Sometimes i cant move my arms or speak and also sometimes i get jerky movements in my body.sometimes it happens only for a.day sometimes 10 minutes. Sometimes a couple. Of weeks.i worry my sister may be right and ill never do normal things that 24s do like drive or do things unsupervised. After falling in a parking lot.i wonder if ill be able to work or will i live off disability for the rest of my life.my mental health. Is kinda getting better though self harm hasnt changed i havent been hospitalized. For two months now.i guess now i just want some normalcy out of my life.i feel like i just exist now im not living.this whole getting better thing sucks if you don't. Have a plan.im not ready to go back to the hospital im terrified.im not ready to die but its like what do you do when since when you were. A teen. All you were ever good at was making goals to attempt suicide.whats left?