I had a suspicion she was just stalling til your next orders to make her next play.
Seriously do what's been suggested and lawyer up.
She is telling her mother what she and you want to hear to keep you making any sudden decisions.
Like staying.
I will guarantee she was waiting for your next deployment before making her next move. Hoping you would be out of the country.

I am sorry, I truly am.I have good friends, and family in the forces and ha e seen this more times than I care to mention.

Yes you hurt her and betrayed her trust. Thing is, she stayed. Therefore she no longer had the right to use it as a stick to beat you with.

It's bloody hard being married to a soldier, it takes commitment, faith and far more understanding than in most marriages.
It's up to you at home to keep the fires alight while they are away. And sometimes it's heart breaking and lonely.
But n ever as lonely as it is for those posted far from home.

There are no excuses for this behaviour. If you want out, you wait. Discuss it while they are home. If they aren't back for long, you promise not to make any decisions until they are back again. Then you discuss again.
And you do this until everyone knows where they are at.

It's not a big ask, when someone is putting their life on the line at work.
Ok so you panicked when you got home and got pushy.
Because you had no fking clue what was going on.
So hardly surprising.
But your doing things right now.
Please lawyer up, please. And keep working with that counsellor.

All the best, my heart goes out too you and your kids.