My father was severely depressed, had a nervous breakdown, and chain smoked himself to death, died when I was 12.

I felt love for him and didn't think he wasn't necessarily what a father should be, as I didn't have other role models to compare.

No, I never paraded in his loving attention, either. I wasn't even a blip on his radar. But keep in mind that I am 50, and his generation, I presume, did not have the same mind set as fathers do now. He told my mother he didn't even want to see us kids when he got home from work. We should be fed and in bed. That was totally unrealistic, of course, and never happened.

Gotta run right now. More to come...