***Trigger Warning***

I feel I'm lost. I need to find myself. To find my path in this life. I struggle to follow the paved and wide roads of this life. I need to find my purpose to live before I'm visited by the angel of death. Am I thinking too much? Shall I just shut my thinking and follow the group? I don't know, but money means nothing to me. Travel means nothing to me. Luxury means nothing to me. I'm reluctant to get married and have children while in this state. Helping others you might say. But is this our purpose? To help each others until we pass away? I mean, it's nice and feels good momentarily, but we soon to return to our misery. In the grand scheme of things we are still trapped. Life will betray us. It is unfaithful. We cling to it, but it will abandon us. Hermits and monks leave life before it leaves them, but I'm too weak to endure the entailed hardships of leaving life before I die. I feel I have no choice. I want to be free, but all we get is to be trapped in a mortal and weak body.