Oy vey! I didn't "settle" before I posted the last time. I left out some important points and in re-reading, oh, the typo's! I'm sure you'll understand what I was trying to say, and if not, please ask away.

"what is it worth to me? you're a woman who's known me awhile... someone who took her own time and felt her own pain, once again, to help me in my hour..."

I didn't address your gratitude. That was rude of me and I'm sorry.

Darrel, when I think someone is worth my time, my thoughts and emotions, I don't find it difficult at all to give those things. Truly, with all my heart, I don't feel as if I did that much at all. I thought you were worth it "back then" and even more so now. Just want you to know that it was no sacrifice. It was easy. I wanted to do it. I do highly regard your feelings for what I can do to help you out in any way that I can.

As for you taking care of your mom, you are to be highly commended for it, especially if you really do feel that there is no love lost between you. There are so many disabled old people forgotten in rest homes or left in the care of a stranger. You're stepping up to the plate. You're meeting your responsibilities head on. Whether you're getting something out of it or not doesn't really matter. To me, that's one of the signs of a real man. "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

"the old me would feel the need to defend and stake his own validations with some sort of platonic fervor... "

I kept that in mind, remembering how I set you off the last time. Didn't want to do it again. I hurt you and how can anyone expect to have someone else understand when you're hurting them at the same time? It's not easily accomplished.

When the sting of your words wore off, as well as my own anger, I became cognisant that we had exchanged pain for pain. Whether you realize it or not, you taught me a valuable lesson back then. It took a while to sink in, but eventually it filtered to where it was supposed to be.

If you could only know how blessed I feel at this moment. How often is it that people make this turn around and allow themselves to be vulnerable again to someone who has hurt them or angered them in the past? Is this what they call "forgiveness"? I don't know... not sure. But whatever it is, it feels good!

I'm so glad you came back, Darrel! Even if I did dodge you at first.