There - I said it. I am jealous of a good friend of mine.

For a long time in adulthood I didn't experience jealousy, I have been content with my lot and although my life has had ups and downs I didn't really covet what others had. When I heard others express jealous thoughts it was quite bewildering to me.

Except recently I have had this creeping feeling, and it may or may not be coincidental that this is about someone I had felt was one of my closest friends. In fact my husband was actually not too happy about this friendship because this friend is a man - although I don't feel romantically attracted to this friend. I am wondering if the conflict with my husband is playing into my response here - and I'm wondering if my own jealousy of my friend is an unconscious attempt by me to sabotage the friendship. As usual I'm thinking a lot, possibly overthinking.

So, my friend over the last few years has had a few very nice holidays away - and although he is in his mid years and independent his father has bank rolled these trips. I'm not sure if my friend would have been able to go or not if his dad hadn't have funded him but his dad is very well off (much more so than my parents who could never afford to do this for us even if they wished). At first I thought not too much about it but last time he mentioned another foreign trip I was aware my gut reaction (not that I let it show) was "Oh daddy's paying again, nice for some". I was aware of my reaction but I supressed it, it isn't a nice reaction I know that. I should be pleased for my friend.

The other thing I had a not-so-nice response to was that recently my friend began volunteering for the same organisation I do (for last 5 years), because it was a new scheme and he was one of he few male volunteers they did a lot of publicity and they seem to have it on a repeat loop. At first I did feel pleased for him but he popped up in my facebook feed yesterday and I did think "Here we go again, like there's only one volunteer worth writing about". Again, I know it's not nice but it's tied in with my jealous reaction which is basically not nice at all and very ungracious.

Here's the bottom line - he is a nice guy, he has never been unkind or anything less than a good friend to me. I just wish I could stop this gut reaction I've been having towards him, I usually feel happy for my friends good fortune and I used to feel that way for him too.

I do wonder if my subconscious is trying to derail my friendship with this man. It's almost like I'm looking for the bad in him (getting hand outs from his dad) when there isn't really any there.

Any thoughts on jealousy and how to unpick and address it within oneself?