Thanks Trippin, yes the 'small and smaller versus endless holiday/party' is close to how I feel. I guess it's acceptance but for some reason it feels harder than it used to.

Hopingtrying I am so glad your faith gives you strength in this way. I haven't the same faith myself, it's something I thought I did have for a while but not now.

Mr. Stranger - my friend did not brag via facebook, but I follow the page of the charity we both volunteer for so the articles pop up there. They don't have many male volunteers and would like to have more - some years ago I went to a meeting where they were quite open that most volunteers are older women and they want to attract younger and male volunteers, hence the using of his photo. It's not his fault at all. I do think the organization takes for granted it's main core of older female volunteers but they are always after 'the next new thing' and very image conscious.

He just sent me and some other friends the picture of the most amazing beach with white sand along with a note about swimming there. I have not been to a warm place where you can swim like that for over 10 years and I'm not likely to anytime soon either. I got the jealous reaction again. You are right about that dark side Mr.S, this is mine.