I have no experience in this...but from what you post...

I imagine that he feels guilty when you both are enjoying each other. I think feeling like you're being unfaithful to the memory of a loved one is "normal"....hence the guilt and backing away.

As far as feeling used, well there's a difference between using someone (we all use others to get what we need) and taking advantage of them.

But you're right. Being cerebral about relationships rarely helps because relationships are emotional and hears don't listen to any of that nonsense

I like what Trippin said...