My reaction has always been that I don't get to take control. I'm not allowed. It makes me unable to stick to a diet and I try to trick myself into thinking it's disordered eating but the minute my brain realizes I'm doing something good it makes me do the opposite. Like if I act like im anorexic I can say oh see im hurting myself. Then my mind will realize im actually merely controlling my overeating and it will say no you can't do that. You don't get to control anything so you have to eat.