BP or BPD? They are two different things. Bipolar (BP) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Hi, and welcome to the forums. I just thought I'd point that out so as we are all on the same page.

For most of my life I knew full well something was wrong. I actually took my diagnosis as a godsend. For, finally there did exist a group of people to which I belonged.

Would you say you are fighting the diagnosis? What is it you're afraid of or wish to avoid? Why is it important to you to do so? Have you considered what life would be like if you did heed the diagnosis? I was reluctant for treatment because I was riding a tidal wave of adventure at the time. But I realised this couldn't be maintained. Yes, there are things I don't like about medication and treatment but they are the cost of stability.

Another note I wish to make. You mentioned a lot of anti depressants. Are you aware that SSRIs affect bipolar individuals negatively. They can send them into a break.