Sorry, I said BPD didn't I? I mean BD. (Though at one point I would have preferred it)

I think it's the whole being watched that really upsets me. When I was younger and my family thought I had BD due to a particularly bad reaction to fluoxetine. (which resulted in a positive diagnosis a few weeks later. My family history of schizophrenia apparently aided the diagnosis)

I was then put on some very very strong drugs, Olanzapine, and I'm sure tons of you have tried the same stuff! It pins you to your bed for days on end, only rousing to consume more and more food. You'll eat until you vomit on olanzapine.

As a young man it ruined my life.... my prolactin shot through the roof, I grew boobs and became impotent, but the unshakable eye of my family was equally as distressing. I couldn't do a thing without them being concerned I was in danger or at risk, That could not stand, I decided to fight the diagnosis no matter what. (I also totally didn't believe the diagnosis one bit, even though I was worried it might be true)

I'm uselessly scared about approaching my psych. I have a reputation for being non-compliant and I've behaved like a total idiot fightin this diagnosis. I basically need to grovel for help and admit defeat. In the mean time I ordered some lithium orotate to try and keep me even a little bit stable until I see my pdoc.

Sorry if my writing is all over the place, I'm not sleeping and my organisation is all messed up and I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to be talking about