I didn't run for 10 years. I've run for three before finally coming to terms only months ago. Finally started seeing if meds help me. That's still up in the air, at this moment. Apparently, I have BP 1 w/psychotic features; thing is, I don't really see it until I'm a wreck. Hell, even when I'm a wreck I question my diagnoses like crazy. I mean, what about MDD w/psychotic features? Then again, I was diagnosed with MDD for some time and all of the antidepressants they tried only worked for a few days after their half-life began, then I'd be obsessively suicidal along with dealing with psychosis. My first full manic episode was due to antidepressants, actually, which then turned very dangerous and into my first mixed episode until I finally landed in the hospital. You need a stabilizer. Antidepressants take you up but when you're not depressed they make a person suicidal and worse. So, when you're up from them, then they turn on you and tear you apart. That's why you're supposed to also be on a "downer" of sorts. Otherwise, it could be dangerous.

I have to say, aside from the BP 1/BP 2 difference, your story sounds very similar to my own. Granted, I've run for less time. I stopped running because my fiance was desperate to get me help and eventually, when I was in crisis, I listened to him. If it gives him security, I guess I can deal with the diagnosis. I can't really deny it anymore, anyway. I mean, I've gone off the deep end pretty bad, as of late. Best to accept and treat, rather than run and jump off the cliff.