Quote:
Originally Posted by jjh78
Thank you for responding to me -- it's great to have fresh on my situation.
I actually began seeing a therapist in September last year. It's something I should have done from the once my divorce began, but stupid me thought I could get through it by just keeping my mind busy by burying my head in work. That was a mistake. But little by little I'm making headway for myself. It's also shown me I don't have my ***** together.
Moving in with my girlfriend I admit was incredibly impulsive, and I perhaps should have been on my own to find myself and give more time to find out more about her. But I can only handle the situation as it stands now.
I admit to having a fear of being alone, which likely played a part in moving so fast in my next relationship.
Something my therapist told me is I've got this desire to be a savior for people. Always trying to be everything for everyone, while neglecting what I need for myself.
The only thing my therapist and I haven't truly discussed in-depth is why I fall for the wrong kind of partner for me. Although I see the good in my girlfriend. I know it's her journey to make internally, but I want to be there for her.
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Funny thing is, you said your t and you have not talked about why you fall for the wrong women. but you've already answered your question unconsciously.
1. your therapist stated that you have a desire for being a savior to people - you're one then, that likes to be "needed" to help. This is part of your core belief system in that you feel valued if you can help someone which typically means you like to be the strong, stable one. So therefore 1st thing to realize is this is part of why you find women you have described as broken and challenged - they need help. Even if you dont' know it initially something in your recognizes this weakness in them and you are attracted to that.
2. second thing that is part of this, in my mind, anyway. You admitted to being fearful of being alone. How does this play into this? Well not only does it make you impulsive, I do think that it partially affects who you choose. Being afraid of being alone one would naturally desire to have someone dependent on them, they rarely leave, as they "need" the helpful person.
Just a couple of observations. I could be wrong and of course I am in no way a professional, just intellectual and analytical myself.
