Wow, that was quite a little freak out I was having last night. Sorry about that. What mtd wrote, well, it left me nowhere to hide.

Thank you for that mtd. I think it was necessary.

And Jinny, sorry I didn't say this earlier but I was touched by what you wrote. You just kind of got upstaged by mtd who pulled out all the stops and nailed my every thought. Don't worry about the right words as I don't think there are any. Just know I do appreciate the support even if I'm too messed up in the moment to say anything.

mtd, I'll try the two journal idea. I keep a journal now but the entries are expansive. Sometimes I can write for hours in it which, of course, there isn't always time for and so I end up not journaling at all. It does seem simple but as one of my favorite professors was fond of saying in film school, "keep it simple, stupid." It's good advice.

Clearly I'm a bigger mess than I'd like to admit and you both responded with understanding and caring. That means a lot. Thank you.

Cyran0