Well it doesn't matter... If i lose my kids my life is over. I could never sleep again knowing they have only her to rely on.

I don't see a custody battle going the way I want it to, and besides i'm not really sure I want to put my kids through all that. My kids show a clear preference for my company, but never the less they still also need their mother, and i wont take that away from them, even IF she's unstable and incapable of teaching them what they need to know to make it in this life.

As long as I keep things in check, do everything for her, give her only as much responsibility as is absolutely required, don't require, request or expect ANYTHING from her, and keep paying her way, she is for the most part "ok"... if by ok you can incorporate to mean constantly nagging, whining and moaning, then yeah she's "ok". It's only when you put any kind of pressure on her, when you expect any kind of responsibility, that things go haywire, and she starts freaking out in ways that scare the living crap out of me.

The problem usually is that we're not alone on the planet, and that other people can cause issues for her as well, other people who might not be as tolerant or forgiving. And these situations can topple her into full tantrum mode. This is an issue with any kind of employment she might consider, getting along with colleagues is all well and good until they actually disagree with her, or expect something from her. Not that i still expect her to find some kind of employment mind you, the thing is, she brings it up a lot, and seems to have a desire for it... even though i think it wont last long if she were to go through with it. I think it's a fairy tale she's looking for because what employer will tolerate their employee calling in sick at the drop of a hat, on a moments notice, or not even calling in at all and just showing up a few days later with some lame excuse? Unless she's going to apply for a job as an elf in Santa's toy factory, I don't think that will last very long.

But enough of all that.

My health issues have been flaring up lately, so I've taken a few steps back from work. Business is not going as well as I would like, and the company is not growing in the way I would expect it to, so i'm taking some time off to reevaluate, maybe go another route, close up shop and open up a new one, I don't know, need time to think and consider things.

In the meantime I'm spending more time at home, so I've more time for household chores, playing with my kids, sorting out the mountain of disorganized crap she's been piling up over the past months, AND the heavens will part soon i'm sure because she's made a new friend, AND she's taken her new friend on a vacation, just the two of them, unfortunately just for the weekend though...

But that does mean I have the house,and the kids ALL to myself for a whole weekend. Yihaaaw! Cleaning crew is coming on saturday (that took some negotiating but they were very reasonable about it) and me and the kids are going to the petting zoo while they clean this mess of house top to bottom. Sunday we're going to spend some time at home, watch some TV, fail at baking cakes and cooking yummy snacks, and after the kids have gone to bed i'm going to pull an all-nighter to sift through endless boxes of useless junk that have piled up in here so i can toss it all from the second floor straight down into the waste disposal container i'm having brought and hauled off on monday.

So by the time she comes back on monday evening, this place will be clean as a whistle and we'll all be nice and relaxed...

Ready for her to lay waste to the place again and get all our panties in a bunch. YAY!

But let's not get ahead of ourselves here, we still have 2 days of bliss ahead first.