My Support Forums - View Single Post

Feb 17, 2017, 11:49 AM

I wasn't sure if I should post here or in survivors of abuse or in PTSD.Sorry if it's in the wrong place.I'm wondering how long it has taken others here to process their trauma and abuse.I know there's no set time for processing but sometimes it feels like it will never end.

I have been working through memories,working through specific traumas,getting to the point of being able to talk about them without being triggered and dissociating.Knowing that it happened to me and not some other kid.No longer having it walled off,having certain memories going from being someone else's memory to completely being mine.Seeing something from my adult mind and seeing it for how it really was vs how my child mind saw it.

I will think I have something processed or have completely worked through it but then I will start thinking about it and I will see more and more things that I didn't realize before and it all makes even more sense.Some things I have been doing that for 7 or 8 years.

Sometimes how I have perceived things changes.I will think I have it all figured out but then when I think about it I realize that wasn't it at all and my new way of perceiving it is right.Then it may change again.

Here's a simple example,not a super traumatic one though

Possible trigger:

I was sitting in the back seat of the car and blood was spurting on the windshield of the car as my dad was driving

While working through that memory I realized when I was little I thought the wipers were on to wipe it away so my dad could see to drive but in reality the wipers were on the outside of the car and were on because it was raining.I realized I focused on buckling my shoes and was real proud of myself because I had put them on myself for the first time and figured out to buckle them myself and it had nothing to do with what was going on around me like I thought.There's other things too that I don't want to write about.Then for a long time after those realizations I would have more realizations.Things that were different than what I thought were true as a kid,such as the wiper thing.It felt like it took forever to work through all that.

I hope someone can understand what I'm trying to say and ask here.Will there ever be an end point to all the processing or will I forever be doing this?