Iris, First I'd like to say that I am very sorry for your loss. Your own wording in the dream "I know he was dead and now he's not" indicates that your mind while you may have still been in shock is very consciously aware that your father had really died physically. The mind is not refusing to believe he was gone.

Your statement," I want to remember him as my Daddy, not as an abuser. I think I can do that." indicates that you still have not grasped the meaning and message of this dream. What the dream is saying is exactly the opposite of what you are trying to do - not think of Daddy as an abuser. To maintain your own emotional health, the Lord is showing you that you would need to bring up in your mind Daddy as an abuser - because this has never been adequately done yet.

The customary human philosophy is to 'never speak ill of the dead'. It is easier and more comfortable to let our thoughts dwell on the pleasant aspects of the deceased but this does not take care of our psychological needs. Only the Lord can guide you when to take this negative approach, as is being done in this dream.